Dear Reader,

It has been one heck of a year so far!

Accomplishments (In No Particular Order):
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• I. Performed. PERFORMED. It wasn't just any kind of performance. I performed at my first ticketed live performance AND made a profit! I even sold the most tickets out of all the artists in the line-up. In case you missed it, check it out here.

 

• My student loans have finally gone into deferment! Since I am official enrolled at HCC as a part-time student, I no longer have to pay back my student loans until my enrollment status changes. Yay!

 

• I am successfully passing 2 classes for my music business degree at HCC. YAY! On top of that, I was elected secretary of the Music Entertainment Student Association (MESA). Double Yay!

 

• I was casted to perform in a show that talks about mental health: This Is My Brave! I am super excited to be performing with other talented individuals! Read all about My Brave Experience here.

 

• I've maintained positive relationships with friends and family AND I've been steadily taking my medicine, which is top priority!

 

• I SUCCESSFULLY APPLIED for SSI. Now I just have to wait 2-3 months for a decision, yay!

Things to Come:

• I'll be performing my last recital with the Guitar Center next month!

 

• I'm starting to go to church again!

 

• I see my old psychiatrist with a brand new pair of eyes in April!

 

• I might join The Houston Songwriting Meetup!

 

• More live performances to come!

• I am working on my next album!!!

Goals:

With everything going on in my life, sometimes it can be hard for me to pay attention to my sleep hygiene (and my other hygiene for that matter!). The good is that, because I am doing so many music-related things in one day, it is easy for me to get tired of singing all the time and to just give myself a break. Staying honest with my mom about my habits has helped me realized when I need to tone things down and not do so much. I just can't believe that I came from being bored and unemployed to being a busy, aspiring singer-songwriter with ALWAYS something to do. So here are my goals (so far):

• REST!!! This is a very important goal for me. I tend to work myself very hard and I want to be able to let myself rest more instead of being so critical of myself.

 

• COLLABORATE!!! I am really looking forward to collaborating with other artists--and it doesn't have to be with music per se! When I am not doing songwriting, I also enjoy creative writing--poems and short stories. I also really like choreography and I've been itching to take my hula hoops back to the park in our usual spot! I am doing with being one with my music. I am ready to tackle my creative work into pieces and share them with the world. I hope they are nice enough to share something back!

 

• Establish a consistent social media presence. On top of balancing my mental health with my public image, I want to actually have fun with it, not just see it as a chore or a responsibility. I LOVE using Facebook Live and I never thought in a million years that I would learn how to use Instagram. 

I can't wait to keep y'all posted on how the rest of this month goes and how the other one will begin! Take care and until next time!

I remembered the date of my late January audition because I had signed up for it back in December.

Back when I was manic.

When I had first heard of this showcase called "This is My Brave," I honestly did not know what to think. I felt so uncomfortable with the fact that through this show, people were able to create a safe, nonjudgmental space where they were free to talk about both their struggle and their recovery in just under 5 minutes. I was in denial that such a creative space even existed, and even more upset with myself for not discovering a place like that sooner. While my great friend who happens to substitute at Carnegie Vanguard High School was trying to persuade both me and my mother to attend the show, I rescinded into my own mental corner and decided to let my brain pick at my emotions than let them be healed at a storytelling performance.

Technology has a way of being very adaptable and versatile. I was also shocked that the producers of TIMB were very open to sharing everything on social media. I was still shocked when I pulled up the Houston TIMB 2019 video and the whole footage was there, right in front of my face. I knew I needed to watch the video. So I did. 

I barely made it through the first half of the video without needing some Kleenex!

​TIme passed, and although I had missed the chance to both audition and watch the show for 2019, I remember sitting at my computer that December, going on a manic shopping spree. I had just spent hundreds of dollars on Amazon.com, and I just purchased my own website and wanted to start my own blog. I had never had much experience auditioning, but I figured since the show was about me talking about something I face every day, it would not be hard at all. So out of manic curiosity and a sane sense of confidence, I decided to fill the first morning slot for the first day of the auditions. Wearing my nice red dress and carrying a ukulele, I was simply hoping for the best.
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The Call

Fast Forward to February 1st. I get a voicemail from one of the TIMB producers, telling me that I got the part. 

Wow, I thought to myself. I got the part! What happens now?

The Calling

I stared at the paper the producers gave me at the audition. Looks like I'll have to actually mark my calendar down for all these rehearsal dates, I thought. On February 8th, I got to meet the other cast members of TIMB. 

It.

Was.

Kick.

Ass!

Seriously! It felt like the assembly of the freaking Creative Justice League! Every. single. person. had a creative outlet for their pain and was actually OPEN about it. Had I died and gone to heaven? I was surrounded by a dance, poetry, spoken word, and amazing stories told through 5 minute narration and storytelling. Not to mention the amazing amount of food that was there--fruit, vegetables, PIZZA. EVERYTHING!!! 

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Is this what group therapy is like? I wondered to myself as about 14 of us gathered in a circle to go over our presentations. I had nothing memorized--it was all already in me. I just happened to be missing my ukulele. (But luckily there was another musical soul there who let me borrow their guitar!) We all took turns doing our performance, and then we took the time out to give commentary--in real time--to every. single. person. that performed.

The Incredible Hu.....Hope? 

When it was my turn, I did my quick speech on how I struggled with Bipolar Disorder and tried to overcome my hospitalizations and other personal problems. When I played my song, I had originally titled it "The Incredible Hulk" to describe how I felt about my disease. I felt like I was dealing with a monster that I could not control, and that every day I was struggling to find a balance between avoiding depression and avoiding mania. 

But for some reason, when I finished the song, everyone could have sworn they heard the word "Hope" instead of "Hulk." 

Well, gosh, I never thought of it that way! Take a listen for yourself and let me know what you think: